I remember that day so clear. That first Friday that I had to let my kids go visit their dad. Visitation was now what seemed to define our life. Our schedules revolved around that annoying question of who's weekend was it? That first time, watching them get out of the car, we were all so uncertain. Non of us knew what it was going to be like. My children seemed so small and broken to me at that time in life. We all were. Trusting them with the person who had just torn our family apart seemed impossible for me. Turning them over to someone who had proven time and time again he would not put them first. I still get knots in my stomach just thinking about that day. I smiled and gave hugs, trying to reassure with my words. More for myself then them possibly. It was horrible. The worst. Heart breaking pain. I felt cheated out of these two days I was losing over a situation that I would have never chose to put us all in. I remember feeling more anger and pain then I had ever felt in my life. But I also felt a comfort there with me. Later that night when sobs shook my body, loneliness and worry over taking my me, I could still feel His presence. I was not alone. God doesn't always take away the pain. He doesn't always command worry and anxiety to leave you. Sometimes he just wraps his presence around you while you cry. Loving you through it. Lifting you up through His word.
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AuthorI'm a single mama of 2 great kidos seeking and searching for Gods will in our lives :) Archives
December 2017
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