A few weeks ago I was at one of my lowest moments. I was driving home from the grocery store, on the phone with a friend, crying. I was beyond exhausted, stressed both emotionally and financially. I was questioning everything about my life and myself. My friend, although she has not had to walk in my same shoes, listened with understanding. Then she asked " how can I help?" Please understand that this friend asks how she can help quite often and I am SO thankful for that! I'm blessed to have a group of family and friends who are always willing to help out with anything at anytime. Sometimes I don't even see the need before they have met it! But on this day when my friend was asking how she could help all I could do was sob into the phone and say I don't know! Sometimes the needs are so great I cant begin to ask for help. According to U.S. Census Bureau, out of about 12 million single parent families in 2014, more than 80% were headed by single mothers. The median income for families led by a single mother in 2013 was about $26,000, one third (⅓) the median for married couple families ($84,000). Nearly half with an annual income of less than $25,000. Single moms are rapidly becoming the new normal. A lot of people don't know how to help single parents. They don't want to overstep so they often do nothing. Or worse, they get caught up in the stereotype that we are all lazy and living off welfare & child support payment (ha!). Speaking from my own life, I see how single moms are not easy to help. We are often hardened and have a deep need to feel independent . We know some days we need help but don't always know what to tell others when they ask how they can help. Or we are worried about what you will think of us so we just don't ask for help Here are 10 ways you can reach out to us Single Mama's: 1. Offer to pick up kids or drop off kids at their extracurricular activities. As a single mother I feel like I live in my car. There is nobody to share the stress of shuffling kids & there is nobody to complain to about it either. Some days it is nice to have a friend offer to do the running either one way or another so I can cook, clean, work on school work or go to the grocery store. 2. Check on her. I know that a little after 9am each Monday morning a sweet lady from church is going to call just to check on me and my kids. She will ask about our weekend and our week ahead. This is something that wards off loneliness and takes only a few minutes. 3. Running into town anyway? Why not call up that single mother and ask her if she needs anything. I promise, if she does she wont give you her entire shopping list! Chances are she wont let you get anything for her ( we can be kinda hard remember). But the gesture will truly make her feel less alone for days to come. If she does let you grab some much needed household items go with your heart on letting her pay you for them. Her pride is a powerful thing, but so is the love that you are showing. 4. Don't assume anything. Ever. Please. Don't assume just because shes single that she doesn't like to have married women for friends. Don't assume a single mom wont want to join in functions or activities with the non-singles. Don't assume we are to busy or broke to help or take part in things. Don't assume shes depressed. Don't assume shes fine. Don't assume shes happy. Don't assume shes stressed. Just don't. Instead take the time to get to know her and her kids and don't judge her. She needs your friendship more than anything. 5. One time a friend had offered to pick up my kids from practice while I went to the doctor. I had been horribly sick for several days. When I came home she & my sweet kidos had picked up the living room, done the dishes that were in the sink, taken out the trash and wiped down the counters. Now, my kids are amazing, however with out her thoughtful nudging and supervision I doubt these things would have gotten done. I still treasure her for seeing a need and meeting it. No money spent. No questions asked. Just showing love. 6. Speaking from recent experience car troubles can be the worst kind of troubles for single moms! We are hard working, intelligent creatures who can usually figure out how to change the oil, fix the headlights and put air in the tire. But when the wheel bearings go out or you have engine trouble it is very nice to have a knowledgeable person to diagnose the problem or even offer to fix it! 7. Think practical. Although a gift card for Bath & Body Works or Target is very nice most of our needs are practical, every day things. Gas cards, grocery store coupons, hardware stores and pharmacy gift cards are more useful. Even though we can usually get assistance for food and clothes sometimes we need things like over- the- counter medicine, trash bags, light bulbs & other things government programs don't cover. One of the best things a friend has done for me was to give me her Kroger gas points so I could fill up my tank for cheap! Its not about the money. Its about showing that she is not alone. 8. Compliment her kids and let her share their accomplishments with you. Something that is hard for me is that I cant share the joy of my kids accomplishments with their dad. Its just nice to have someone notice your kids good behavior. I love having close friends and family to share in the good times not just the bad. 9. Shes not perfect, but shes not just a statistic either. See her as a person. See her family as a real family even though they are lacking another parent. 10. Let her repay your kindness. If your kind gesture moves a single mom to repay you by a gift card, good deed or other small token of gratitude. Just accept it with joy. Again....going back to # 4....don't assume shes poverty stricken or that shes being unwise with her budget should she decide to bless you for blessing her. As single parents we need to show an attitude of gratitude for those who are brave enough to reach out and see through our hard shell. https://singlemotherguide.com/single-mother-statistics/
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This may or may not have anything to do with being a single Mama...but I have a had time receiving help graciously. My mother says this is just hereditary :-) When help is offered....It makes me uncomfortable. Feelings of inadequacy swell. It often makes me sad. I feel the giver is seeing into a part of me that I don't want to share. Im an avid DIY ( Do it Yourselfer) You see the DIY all over Facebook and Pinterest. All theses projects made to Do-It-Yourself. No help needed. No reason to rely on anyone else. All these DIY suggest that we dont NEED others that we can do it all ourselves. Now putting those wonderful DIY projects aside...lets talk life. Scripture never expresses for us to go through life with a DIY attitude. The path to salvation alone reflects a need to rely on another.. Our Sweet Savior. In fact it plainly says in Hebrews 10:25 that we are to meet with each other to be an encouragement to each other. 1 John 1:3 calls us to have fellowship with other Christians. James 5:18 says we are to confess our sins to each other and pray together. Hebrews 12:15 tells us make sure that no one misses out on God grace, that not having Grace and Faith is the root of bitterness. Christians were never meant to Do It Ourselves. We are called to interact, to fellowship, to show grace. We're to be the fruit of Gods Spirit showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. So what do all these things have to do with my stubborn ( possible hereditary) attitude of not accepting help? When I choose to refuse the help offered me, whether that be a meal, an invitation to help with the kids or the house, providing something that we do in fact need, or even my most uncomfortable...monetary help. When I choose to refuse the help I'm refusing to show grace to the giver. I lose my joy that God asks me to show, I let it steal my peace and often my self control. And does the well- meaning- sincere- of -heart- giver of the blessing see me as showing love at their help? 9 times out of 10 probably not. Psalm 121 says that my help comes from The Lord. When I pray and ask for help it isn't always His plan to have my needs fall from the sky. I'm learning that sometimes those prayers are answered through the blessings I receive through others. My help comes from The Lord in the way He so chooses. With every blessing I have the choice to show grace or plant a seed of bitterness in myself or in the giver. Knowing these things still does not make it easier to receive help. All I can do is ask that My Sweet Savior will please keep showing me and my family how to receive blessings with Grace and to have the will to then bless others. A few people who daily bless me and how they help me!
So this is the week that's hard for us single Mamas, its camp week. It can be a lonely time for those of us who are always with our children. Knowing that they are growing in Jesus is a comfort during these weeks. But what about me? What am I willing to let Jesus teach me over my week of household solitude? Last night was a lesson in who to call. I need to be reminded who to call out to in my distress. All to often in my life a problem will come up and who do I call....My friends! I am blessed with the dearest group of friends! I'm daily thankful for them! But in my moments of distress I find myself calling out to them first. Something goes wrong, or upsets the balance of our household and I am quick to pick up the phone and reach out to one my trusted friends to seek comfort in their words or wisdom. Friendship is a gift from God, but my Heavenly Father is the only place I should be seeking comfort or wisdom right now! This is a lesson I needed to relearn. ~Call Him for Comfort 2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Father who is full of mercy, the God of all comfort. ~Call Him for Wisdom James 1:5 Do any of you need wisdom? Ask God for it. He is generous and enjoys giving to everyone. So he will give you wisdom ~Call Him in Trouble Psalm 50:15 God says, “Call me when trouble comes. I will help you, and you will honor me. ~ This is our Heavenly Father speaking, He WANTS us to call out to Him when we are in trouble. ~He hears Me 1 John 5:14 We can come to God with no doubts. This means that when we ask God for things (and those things agree with what God wants for us), God cares about what we say. Psalm 18:6 says In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. ~ My distressed cry will be heard. Jesus hears me when I call! No dialing, no ringing, no text delivered. I call to Him and He hears me. So this week when the house is quiet or a problem comes up, before I reach for my cell, I'm going to allow my Heavenly Father to minister to me. And while doing so I will praise Him for the blessings of my friendships. |
AuthorI'm a single mama of 2 great kidos seeking and searching for Gods will in our lives :) Archives
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